(krs)(4)

I’m thankful that I dreamed last night that my grandfather had died, but I thought I could still hear his heartbeat and his breath when I rested my head on his chest. I’m thankful that in the dream, I couldn’t tell whether I was feeling his heartbeat or my own. I’m thankful that when I woke up from this dream, I felt very affected, like I could cry. I’m thankful that I lay in bed for a few minutes trying to calm myself down. I’m thankful that in reality, when my grandfather died a few years ago, there was no doubt about whether he’d really died.

I’m thankful that I turned 24 yesterday. I’m thankful that it didn’t really feel like my birthday but turned out to be a nice day nonetheless. I’m thankful that when my roommate saw me in the morning, he made a point of giving me a birthday hug. I’m thankful that I had a helpful research meeting in the morning and spent the afternoon doing other work. I’m thankful that before the morning meeting, I took myself out for breakfast: a latte and a chocolate croissant. I’m thankful that I am very good (perhaps too good?) at treating myself. I’m thankful that I probably learned this from my mom, the queen of treats. I’m thankful that when I FaceTimed my mom last night, she told me to make sure that today, when L arrives for a visit, he takes me out for a birthday treat. I’m thankful that she actually said “treatie” rather than “treat.” I’m thankful that coming up with silly diminutives is another thing I learned from my mom.

I’m thankful for all the friends who remembered my birthday and texted or called. I’m thankful this assuaged my anxiety that no one would remember my birthday because I’m no longer on Facebook, the consummate keeper of birthdays. I’m thankful that I have friends who somehow kept track of my birthday even though I am so bad at keeping track of others’ birthday without Facebook. I’m glad, nonetheless, that I deleted my Facebook almost two years ago. I’m glad that I can still log back in when I need to check someone’s birthday.

I’m glad that last night I met some new friends, introduced by a mutual friend who knew we’d both be in Colombia. I’m thankful for the generosity of mutual friends, which is how I’ve made so many contacts here and which has made me want to be a better mutual friend. I’m thankful that last night, we went to the Museo de Arte Moderno, which was having extended Friday night hours. I’m thankful that after they left, because one wasn’t feeling well, I decided to stay a little longer on my own. I’m thankful that I got a burrito from one of the food carts and sat down on the grass to watch the Bill Cunningham documentary being projected on one of the museum’s walls. I’m thankful for the strangeness of seeing the Bill Cunningham documentary in Medellín, where most people probably don’t have the context of having seen his photos in the New York Times.

I’m thankful that this summer is forcing me to practice meeting new people, which doesn’t always come naturally to me and begins to feel a bit overwhelming when day after day brings new faces. I’m thankful for the specific anxiety of not knowing what a new person will be like or how a meeting will go. I’m thankful that this anxiety is dissipating somewhat as everyone I’ve met has been lovely. I’m thankful that this doesn’t necessarily make meeting so many new people easier, but I’m trying.

- krs (7/29/17). @krsacco previously what are you thankful for?